Y’know what really grinds my gears? YOU

I’m just joking, unless:

1.  You’re the A&E receptionist who made me stand whilst I gave you details of how I’d broken a bone in my foot... You never know how far The Stag may travel.

2.   You moan about things but aren’t making any efforts to change your environment. You know who you are. So if I happen to knock on your door, kneel down so that when you open it, I’m conveniently at a level to punch you in the trouser region, I’ll respond in the most appropriate way possible: “You know why!” (I’ve forgotten the film this was in but it was something brilliant.

3.  Tad bit ironic considering the articles I’m surrounded by.

4.  You were excited about  chrismtas two months ago and felt the need to tell everyone about it.

5.  You may as well write ‘Dear Diary’ at the start of Facebook statuses; you ‘follow’ me on Twitter but don’t have the balls to ‘add’ me on Facebook; you’re Mark Zuckerberg and have kept me connected to people that should have left my life a long time ago.

6.  You wish I was as feisty in real life as I am on paper – by ‘you’ I mean me.  I guess I grind my own gears. (For anyone who thought “Yeah, mine too” – why are you still reading this then?)

7. (Insert your own grievance here)

8.  You think ‘Dutch courage’ means never having to say anything when sober. 

9.  You who decides Tesco’s deals. Why do I need 3 for 2? Why do I need to buy one tub of Utterly Butterly only to get another free? Why not just give me one for half price? Don’t get me started on the aisles, but I can’t put it better than Ms. Searle (2011): “Does anyone else in Guildford feel like Tesco is intentionally (insert bad word here) with their heads? Cheese, shampoo and beef should not be down the same aisle.”

10.   (I’m still thinking of this one, besides I’m already over my word count and by so much that I won’t even be able to write the closing sentence, ‘I swear I’m not a moany mare all the time; it just really grinds my gears’. Shame.)